


Of Ducks & Grandmothers

by BlueElectricFish



Series: I Want the World to Know (I'm Coming Out) [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Accidental Coming Out, Everyone is Trans, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Like all fluff, Panic Attack, Trans Male Character, Unsafe Binding Practices, but no actual transphobic language, can be treated pretty gen, duck carving, except Julia who is just like super nonconforming, it's more of a snap shot of the past, referenced transphobia, some vague stolen century spoilers, than an actual shippy piece, trans!magnus, trans!steven, what do you want from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 05:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueElectricFish/pseuds/BlueElectricFish
Summary: Magnus has been busy carving ducks and flirting to think about how long he's been in his binder. Julia is there for him, though.Coming out fic between Julia & Magnus.





	Of Ducks & Grandmothers

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a really long time since I've written fan fiction so I hope it's not garbage. I noticed that most of the fics featuring trans characters in this fandom were super explicit to the point of being fetishy. So I'm working on fixing that...

It was back before she first asked him out. Magnus was sitting in the workshop, fiddling with a piece of wood. Long curling shavings falling to the ground as thick fingers ran a short knife along the grain. He was zoning out, had been all day, and the wood was taking a slow shape, and unintentional one, as he whittled more than carved it. Julia walked in from daily errands to drop off some things. She was beautiful on what Magnus called her ‘lazy days’. Today, with her hair loose, her beard braided in a few places, a yellow sundress on. Magnus was jolted from his work as the bell on the door tinkled.

“Oh, didn’t mean to startle you, hun,” she said to him, grinning, seemingly not sorry at all. She dropped some bags on the floor, and tossed some reclaimed wood into a corner. Magnus shook his head.

“You didn’t startle me at all,” he said. She laughed. Walking over to him, she looked down at what he was working on.

“Another duck?” she asked jokingly. Magnus shrugged.

“Seems to be where my hands go when I’m not paying enough attention.” He set the duck down.

“Teach me to make a duck.” Julia said, still laughing a little.

“I don’t know…” he said. She shook her head.

“Come on, I know how to use the tools so it’s not like you’re teaching me from scratch.” Magnus sighed and picked up a chunk of wood and handed it over to her.

“You want to start with the curve of the neck,” he explained.

And it went like that, Julia pushing the knife over the wood, Magnus touching her hand softly to show her where to put the pressure when she carved. It was soft and it was warm, and the sun grew low in the sky as they worked. And, then, they were done. Magnus stood to help Julia up and his toes felt numb as he did. He sighed in, his head feeling light from standing after sitting for so long. Then, feeling confused, he breathed in again. And again. And again. And again. It was like his lungs weren’t working. Each breath tided him over for that moment but as soon as he breathed out he needed to breath in again like it had been hours. Julia looked at him, concern washing through her eyes as Magnus put his hand to his chest. His brows furrowed and he tried again.

“I don’t know it’s like I just got the wind knocked out of me,” he said, trying to reassure himself more than her, “I’m okay, I just need a second.” He stood with one hand on a counter and the other just below his collarbone. He breathed in and out but it wasn’t getting any better. He felt anxiety crawl up his spine. He wondered if it was the asthma he had as a child, or something else, something worse. And of course the anxiety made it worse, escalated it, as panic washed over him and he began actually hyperventilating.

He made eye contact, pleading desperate eye contact, with Julia, and then he fell.

It was dark for a long time. And then it felt like he was being dragged up from under water. He woke up in his bed, in the apartment behind the shop that Steven let him stay in. He felt loose, more comfortable than he had felt in ages. He felt like he had slept for a long time. His head hurt like hell.

Julia was there, sitting on a chair next to his bed. She had her hands folded in her lap as she looked at him.

“Oh, thank  _ Luchtar _ ,” she said, her hands falling to her side, “I was really,  _ really _ scared there for a while, Magnus.” Magnus sat up to reassure her, and that was when he noticed. He was shirtless. He looked down at himself uncomfortably, then at Julia and he wanted to die, in that moment.

“I-I-” he didn’t know what to say though, he just turned to face the wall, sliding back down in the bed.

“Oh now, come on, don’t be like that,” Julia tutted, “it’s okay. I promise.” Magnus wanted to vomit. Julia sighed and he could hear her pouring water from a pitcher she had put next to his bed.

“I’m going to go, because I can tell you need to be alone,” she pauses as she stands. Magnus can hear the swish of her dress. 

“I had a really good time today,” she adds, “we should hang out more. I would like to, anyways, hang out more. With you.” She sighs again as she walks to the door. Magnus has his eyes clenched as shut as he possibly can. He doesn’t hear the door swing open or shut. He hears Julia’s soft breathing.

“I know you don’t want to hear it. Probably not from me, at least, not right now. But, Magnus, please, you need to be more careful with yourself. You scared me  _ so much _ today. You could have gotten seriously hurt,” she stands still at the door for another moment, “and I’ve taken away the ace bandages. Someone will be by in an hour or two to help you pick out something less dangerous.” And then there was a gush of wind as the door opened and closed in seconds. Julia was gone, almost like she had run away, leaving Magnus to feel heat and shame and embarrassment in the pit of his stomach.

Worse was that now he had to deal with someone else. Julia had called  _ someone else _ who was going to know about him. The shame and dread grew and pulsated. He lowered himself further into the bed, hoping that it had been a dream and that he would wake up now, any moment and it would all be gone, none of it having happened in the first place.

 

He’s woken up by a soft knock on the door and a pudgy little dwarven woman with long straight grey hair and large front teeth walked in. She didn’t even wait for him to answer.

“Hello darling, Julia told me you needed some things, hope you don’t mind the intrusion,” she puttered around the room, dropping her large wicker bag on the chair Julia had been sitting in just hours before.

“W-who-”

“Oh I’m Dina,” she said, “medicine woman, cleric, soothsayer, trans woman.” and with that one she winks at Magnus. Magnus wants to cry with that, something like a knot he didn’t know about unraveling in his chest. Relief, he names it. Hearing someone saying it out loud.

“And who are you, dear?” She asks and Magnus’s eyes are watering. He wants to smile but he feels so tired.

“Magnus Burnsides. Uh, fighter, carpenter, maker of wooden ducks, trans man.” a laugh bursts out of his mouth and he feels lightness under his skin. Dina shakes her head.

“You younguns’ with your easy humor and joy,” she putters around a bit more, “Julia said you were a bit… well, the word she used was beefy, but jeez you really are just a big boy aren’t you.” She pulls out a soft looking grey binder, a short one that looks similar to a tank top. 

“Julia called me…” he trails off, trying to sound out the word beefy in his mouth without wanting to laugh.

“Do you think this will fit you?” Dina asks, eyeing him up, “it was one of my son’s. He’s quite the large man too.” Magnus shrugs.

“I don’t… I’ve never actually…”

“Owned a proper binder? Yes, dear, I figured. Ace bandages…” she tsks quietly, seemingly to herself. It’s silent for a long moment, Magnus holding the binder she had handed him.

“Well, try it on dear and let me take a look,” she says expectantly. Magnus flushes. He has been holding his sheet to his neck while talking with Dina but to try it on...\

“Uh…” he doesn’t know how to ask her to leave, to turn around… that it’s  _ indecent  _ for him to show his- his chest to her.

“Darling, I’ve raised forty boys, many of whom ran around buck naked in their youth, a man’s bare chest will not bother me.” and Magnus’s heart hurts when she says this. To be so blatantly validated like that, to be reassured. He wishes he had had a woman like this as his mother. “If it bothers you though, dear, I can be right outside the door.”

“No! No, it’s okay,” she was right after all, Magnus assured himself. His bare chest was the bare chest of a man and there was nothing wrong, nothing indecent, about someone seeing a man’s bare chest. He let the sheet drop down and he pulled the binder over his head. It was comfortable, though snug. He fought the desire to liken it to a pair of compression socks. Dina looked him over.

“Big breath in, dear,” she said, watching the rise and fall of his ribs. Magnus obliged.

“It feels good,” he tried to offer. She nodded silently.

“Two big coughs out,” she said. He obliged again.

“Better than-”

“Yes, well, anything will be better than ace bandages, dear,” Dina cut him off, “this looks perfect darling. There’s more of Steven’s old things in this bag here, take what you want and have Julia bring the rest back to me. And if you’re interested in any medication, HRT, birth control, whatever you might need, simply give me a hollar.” She waddled to the door.

“Dina?” Magnus said softly.

“Yes, dear?” she paused in her tracks, smiling at him from the door.

“Thank you.” He said.

“Well, when my granddaughter tells me some beefy man she’s got her eyes on needs help, what am I meant to do, dear?” she replies, and lets the door shut softly behind her.

 

When Magnus finally goes to find Julia the next evening right as the sun was dying the sky a bright orange, an orange that always made him happy to see, like the joy of nostalgia. She smiles at him with her teeth out and he feels warmth in his chest, as he sits next to her on the bench she’s at.

“Hey,” he says, “thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, anyone would have done the same,” she says, handing him a piece of the pastry she was eating.

“That’s not true,” he says softly, “but it’s beautiful that you think that.” He means it, too, she’s so bright and warm that he can’t help but want to keep her away from the people who  _ wouldn’t _ have done the same thing. Keep her away from all the bad in the world.

“I know,” she says, suddenly solemn, and she grasps his hand, squeezing it gently. And he lets it flow out, like a waterfall. He tells her about his parents, their judgement, about what a young lady should or shouldn’t do. He tells her the words they threw at him when he  _ finally _ came out to them. He tells her about leaving home. He pauses as he tries to remember the people who first made him feel loved and accepted, but moves passed it quickly when it makes him too uncomfortable. He can’t picture their faces, but he tells her that he had friends when he was a bit younger that helped him a lot. He feels a bit guilty that he can’t remember them, but he smiles when Julia insists that she can’t remember anyone she was friends with when she was younger.

And as the sun turns the sky orange, then pink, then purple, then dark blue, they sit and talk. They laugh, and they end the night in each other’s arms.

The next day was the day that Julia first asked him out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so basically if anyone wonders here's the situation with Dina: she's a dwarven foster mom and Steven was one of her kids at one point, therefore she is Julia's grandmother etc. etc.
> 
> Hope you liked it!  
> Check out my tumblr @gr0-wth


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